


Let Me Be The First

by Ziamsession



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Debts, Denial, Face Punching, Gambling, Gangs, Gay Sex, Love, M/M, Older Zayn, Professor Zayn, Rimming, Sexual Content, Student Liam, Younger Liam, Zayn is an English Lit professor, anal figering, gambler, his actions could give you the image that he wants to die
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-03
Updated: 2015-04-03
Packaged: 2018-03-21 01:25:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3672294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ziamsession/pseuds/Ziamsession
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"There was a student... just the other day... who said that my problem, if one's nature is a problem, rather than just problematic, is that I see things in terms of victory or death, and not just victory but total victory. And it's true: I always have. It's either victory, or don't bother."</p>
<p>Zayn is a Lit professor and a gambler, his debts causes him to borrow money from his mother and a loan shark. He keeps making his situation more complicated.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Let Me Be The First

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! So I've been working on this one for a month I think and let me tell you what started it it's obviously a Ziam fic but based to the movie I felt like I did't get to make a big twist on it and make it more like the real ziam, but what started this was just a scene from the trailer of the movie 'The Gambler' so I watched it and wrote it. I'm sorry if there is any mistkes English is not my first language. Any comments are welcome.  
> And you can find me on my tumbler : Ziamsession.tumblr.com   
> xx

The Gambler 

 

Sitting their in a dark sterile room, tears falling from his eyes, as he is sitting next to Walter's bed who is unconscious, mere days have done him in, Walter comes awake suddenly and looks around in wonder.  
He finally focuses on Zayn. "So what are you gonna do for me?. You and me are gonna be straight that I've had it, What are you going to say to the fact that I'm going to die" Walter says in a weak hoarse voice. Zayn lifts his eyes shaking his head as if he is stating the obvious "I'm gonna miss you" eyes filled with tears.  
Walter looks at the acoustic tiled ceiling "Fuck that. I won't know about that.I need to know what you're worth when I leave you with nothing." Zayn looked at the floor.   
"Who wants the world at their feet?.. It's confusing isn't it?"  
"I'm going to do the best I can you can go knowing that ok?" Zayn says   
"You're me now. if you'll have it" Walter said looking at Zayn in the eye.  
Zayn huffed a sad smile.

+

At the cemetery Zayn stands in a black suit white shirt, one hand clasping a wrist watching as his grandfather's coffin is lowered into the ground.  
Tricia is standing some distance away, alienated one from the other.  
Tricia drops earth on the coffin..Zayn steps forward and does the same.  
After the ceremony ended he moves fast through the breaking-up crowd, avoiding Tricia who stares after him, avoiding his young cousins too from trying to come to speak to him.

+

Night time in LA, he's driving his car through the streets, till he parks near that modern house packed with dark-clad figures.   
Zayn parked watching the house close on his calculating eyes. The lighter clicks open, shut, open, shut. Then a decision is made.  
Zayn puts the lighter in the pocket of his dark suit and gets out of his car.

+

Zayn walks downhill towards the valet area. He is tall, well dressed, thirty five. He needs a shave, he's tieless and he looks like he might have been up for five days straight, but has a decent style a natural suavity.

After the bodyguards scan him, he eyes the security camera above as he walks to give the woman to trade his money with plaques.   
Zayn reaches into his coat and pulls out ten thousand dollars in a rapper. He waits as his money is counted. And as.. The plaques are shoved across. He puts them in his coat.  
He enters the club that is full of serious gamblers, mostly asian. And some serious casuals.   
A student-waiter (Liam), for a moment it might be him.. But after making serious eye contact and a moment in which Zayn and Liam register each other without effect.  
He continues moving through the rooms table after table all of them in heavy play, by very heavy gamblers. He keeps looking for what he needs. The game he needs.  
He finds it..

+

Spectators are watching. Mister Lee moves up to watch  
Zayn the only player at the table, with at least eight times more plaques in front of him than he bought. He shoves 40k in plaques forward and is dealt.  
He starts playing,   
Card down and a jack up.  
Zayn checks his down card and sees a 4 and looks up at the dealer. Like the duelist marking his man.  
The Korean dealer is very nervous. "Double down, make it twenty thousand." Zayn says. The dealer looks over at Mister Lee who nods his approval.   
Zayn gets a king. He's lost. His on table is raked away. He smiles and then deliberately, enjoying it, he pushes in the last of his reserved chips...all of them.  
He says to the uncertain sweating dealer "Mister Lee can cover a lot more than that, buddy. You must be new"  
Mister Lee again has to nod his approval. The sweating dealer deals. Zayn is given a card down and a 2 showing. The dealer has a queen showing. Zayn looks at him again, briefly; then flips down card sees a 7 and tucks it under his 2. After catching the eye of the passing..Liam in the crowd  
Zayn says "let's go for it brother. Double it."  
Zayn takes a card down, flicks it up with his 7 card. It is an ace. He is unmoved.  
The dealer turns up his own card, a 5; then draws a 6 for 21. He loses.  
But Zayn is entirely without affect. As if losing money was exactly what he wanted.  
From his side a man speaks with a thick Irish accent "I hope you paid your rent,mate"  
Zayn looks at him. "I don't pay rent,mate."   
" you got a problem, an issue of some kind?".  
"Yeah I Don't like your fucking hat" Zayn answers. And he is obviously a gambler in many aspects of life. Niall laughes as he and posse exchange glances. Dangerous Koreans have moved in at the hint of trouble.  
Zayn says quietly to Niall " I think you kinda want me to have an issue, so I thought of that one." Zayn tosses down his drink.   
"I'll see you outside my friend" Niall says. "Well, we all gotta go outside sometime brother, this place is just a dream. Are you a gambler?" Zayn ends asking. "Not like you". Zayn looks at him intently, then inches away.  
Niall approached him. "You want to fuck around or do you want to cut cards for 500?" Zayn says to him. Niall looks at the raised 500 plaque. " I put ten grand against your five hundred". "I haven't got ten grand. That's an unequal bet" Zayn says.  
Niall indicates his smoldering posse "it's an unequal general situation".  
Zayn says "well fuck it get a deck."

One is shuffled. Zayn takes it, walks with Niall to a nearby small bar, puts the deck down, and nods at Niall who cuts first and shows... The king of spades.  
Zayn is amused, looks up at Niall who is not amused at all.  
"That's funny" Zayn says as he huffs a laugh.  
"I thought you wanted my business card" Niall says.  
Zayn cuts, revealing and taking up a look at Jack of hearts. He tosses the card on the table and says genuinely "Congratulations".  
Niall takes a few steps "I know you. I think you kinda guy who likes to lose"  
"Life is a losing proposition, right? Might as well get it over with." Niall gets closer and says over his shoulder "need a stake?" Zayn turns to him "you like staking losers?" He then says "I know how you stake people".  
Niall starts to walk away from him as he says "then you know everything".  
Zayn goes to take a drink and fill his plate with food, and starts to wolf the food.

\+ 

He is called by Mister Lee in the top floor, he closes the door behind him as he enters his office, he sees him sitting back to him watching T.V. "Your luck is no good these days" says Mister Lee. "Oh that depends, are you giving me another ten thousand of credit" he says as he walks into the room. Mister Lee turns his head to look at him "you came in with ten thousand in cash. You didn't give it to me". Zayn chuckles "Well this is a gambling establishment". Mister Lee stands up and walks to stand next to him by the window. "Have I never not paid you?" Zayn asks him.  
"Eventually, a debt gets too big to pay" Mister Lee says as he watches outside the window still not facing him. "You owe me two hundred and forty thousand dollars and I want it in seven days" he completes as he faces him now. He turns and gets out of the door, leaving Zayn alone. Zayn looks out of the window watching as Niall and his men sitting outside smoking. Moments later he is standing in front of them who were laughing and talking and didn't see him.   
"Stake me fifty grand." Zayn says. Niall looks up at him a long look. "At twenty points"He says. Zayn nods positively and he looks so tired.  
"Give him fifty grand" Niall says to one of his men then he says to Zayn "make sure my man has your, ah digits, and so forth".  
The man gives Zayn the cash in ten grand bundles. Zayn says "I feel better about your hat" Niall looks at his men chuckling "this motherfucker" shaking his head.  
As Zayn turns to leave.

+

Zayn goes to a surprised Mister Lee "h-here's forty I'm gonna keep back ten, ok?" He takes a breath " you can take the whole fifty, but this is a gambling establishment"  
Mister Lee nods to one of his men, to bring the money. He keeps forty and hands ten grand back to Zayn with a grave nod.  
Zayn walks quickly and trades the ten thousand in cash for plaques, then heads for the blackjack table. Zayn pushes all his markers in. The whole ten. "Do it. No no. Don't look at Anyone. You look at me. Just do it". The dealer deals.  
Zayn gets a queen showing. The dealer has an ace showing. Zayn checks his down card and sees a 3. He nods for a card and is hit with an 8 for 21. "Twenty one." Th dealer says. Zayn gives a hint of a smile "I'm a satisfied customer". The dealer turns over an 8 making 20, and Zayn has won. He could cash out now, and big, but he leaves his winnings down and says "Play the two". "Twenty thousand dollars" the dealer says.  
The dealer gives him a 10 up and another card down; deals himself a king up. Zayn flips and sees another 10 for 20. The dealer draws two cards. Zayn won again.  
Zayn nods for the dealer to start another hand. The dealer looks at Mister Lee.  
"He doesn't want you to look at him. Keep dealing the cards." Zayn tells her.  
Zayn looks a bit smug. "Forty thousand dollars" the dealer says.  
The dealer gives Zayn a down card and an 8. He deals himself a 4 showing over his down card. Zayn sees his down card is a 4. He says to the dealer "you take it"  
The dealer turns over a 2, then draws a jack for 16 and then a queen to bust. Zayn wins with a 10 for 14. He holds his grin as much as he could.  
The dealer watches Mister Lee. "Don't look at him, there is no limit" Zayn says to her.  
"He wants to fuck a fight I'm not interested in having, please just deal the cards" he continues. "It's For your own protection" the dealer says. Zayn huffs a sarcastic laugh "for my protection? Fuck my protection, you don't come here for fucking protection from yourself. You come here for the fuckin opposite and here I am. Deal the cards, thank you" Niall appears watching him play. The cards are dealt. "Eighty thousand dollars" the dealer says. Zayn wins another hand with 21 looking smugger than ever. He takes up the counters and turns away. He heads to the Roulette table. Zayn stands and looks at the waiting table, magic in the light over it. He puts down his plaques. Niall has come beside him. "Got me feeling lucky, I'm putting everything on black" Zayn says.   
"Red's been coming up all night" Niall tells him. "You want me to pay you now? Is that what you want me to do?" Zayn says. "No".   
"Why not?" "Maybe I enjoy watching the show" Niall answers him.  
"What about ripping me off outside if I win?" Zayn says. "Not in that business, brother" Niall replies.   
"Everything on black" The ball rolls, and it's nearly black, but then the ball lands in.....Red!  
The crowd reacts as if a man has just dropped from a scaffold. Liam, who was in the crowd watching him, turns away. Zayn leans with his elbows on the table for a minute. But then stands straight to look at Niall in the eye. Niall looks back at him.  
"Float me some spending money". Niall gives him a thousand dollars. "That's at twenty points too".   
Zayn folds away the money. He looks at Niall. Looks at Mister Lee. Then he goes pushing his way through the crowd. And out heading to his car, he sits in his car exhausted, defeated. This have been a long night.

+

7 Days 

Zayn's class is big. It's only half full, but it's still a good crowd, he is a popular professor, among the students, Liam, watching him. Eyes tired from his night job, his laptop open. And another is Harry a tall curly haired stoner UCLA tennis player. A good one actually. Way way way at the back a ballplayer named Lamar is checking his cellphone while his "academic adviser" is whispering to him fiercely.

Zayn sitting on the desk facing the students. "The first public notice that was ever made of shakespeare was from a grub street writer Robert Greene, who called him an 'upstart crow beautified with our feathers'. In the book" he snaps his fingers pointing at the board "in the book under that title on the board".  
One of the students Nebbish asks "is the stolen feathers thing because Greene knew Shakespeare was the earl of Oxford?" Zayn answers immediately "Absolutely" while cleaning his glasses, "not." The students laugh. He puts them on "Absolutely not, not even close" he hops off the desk "Listen, the earl of Oxford published poetry, it wasn't any good. Had Oxford been able to get a play put on, he would have broken a leg to do it. Can you think of any human being that would for any reason not put his name on Hamlet?" He says as he is walking up the stairs. Blank faces look at him.  
"The Oxfordian thing, the anti-Strafordian thing...what pisses people off about Shakespeare... What lies behind every controversy about Shakespeare... Is rage. Rage over the nature, and unequal distribution, of talent. Rage that genius appears where it appears for no material reason at all." He pulls a cell from Lamar's hand as he walks "Desiring a thing...." Dropping it in the student's lap after closing it. He passes Liam as he continues "...Cannot make you have it" the students laugh. Liam looks at him smiling. he drifts through the room. "The trouble with writing, If I may bring it up here in the English department. Is we all do a little of it from time to time, writing, and some of us start to think, delusionally, that well, maybe with a little time, a little peace, a little money in the bank, maybe if we had that room of our own we might be writers, too. We accept genius in sports, in painting, as something we cannot do, but it's no more likely that you can be a writer than you can be an olympic fucking pole-vaulter. Because what you have to be before you try to be a pole-vaulter? Hello! Is a pole-vaulter."   
"You are one" one of the students say. "A pole-vaulter?" he asks  
"A novelist" she answers.  
"No I'm not. For me to be a novelist I'd have to make a deal with myself that it is ok being a mediocrity in a profession that died commercially in the last century. People do that. i'm not one of them. If you take away nothing else from my class, from This experience , let it be this : if you are not a genius do not bother. The world needs plenty of electricians and a lot of them are happy. I'll be fucked if I'll be a midlist novelist, getting good reviews from the people I give good reviews to...  
"Let's have a good look at Harry" he points at him. "Harry, an ordinary looking young man with a size forty jacket, nice curly hair and decent dentition, is the second ranked collegiate tennis player in the United States." He leans in on Harry. "how'd that come about Harry? You come from a tennis family?"   
"I mean I started playing five years ago in high school because the tennis guys had the best weed" the students laughed at that.  
"After you started tennis how long before you were better than everybody?" Zayn asks.  
"Before I was better than everybody? Or before I knew?" Harry replies in a question.  
"What happened when you noticed that you were naturally better than everybody?" Zayn asks again. "I-I got interested in the game" he answers shrugging.  
"That is an iQ break point brother" Zayn tells him. "Right there, do you remember Machiavelli? That would have been in September." Zayn continues.  
Harry laughs weakly "I can remember September".  
"is it the game, brother, or the money ha? Virtue or fama?" Zayn raises his eyebrows and asks again  
"Virtue or fame? What are you after? Don't go modest on me. Ehat do you want? Money or glory?" Harry seems not knowing what to answer. "both" he finally speaks.  
"You got ambitious, yeah?" Zayn says smirking. Liam is watching him. Harry says  
"I realized as I was learning about the game that I was in reach of..."   
"In reach of?" Zayn asks. "In.. Reach.. Of..." Harry doesn't want to say it.  
Zayn as he faced the students now at the front of his class says "highest level."  
"Highest level, yeah" Harry says smiling shaking his head.  
"Highest level" Zayn says again Then continues " but it's still a gamble isn't it?.. Fuck I'm a literature teacher. I can't write well enough to bother.. Or I just don't bother. Whichever. Whichever it is, there'll be no ambition here. That's what the emperor Vespasian say on his death bed 'Dear me, I think I am becoming a god'. But do you know who does writes on the highest level? When most of us, and even I, write barely adequately? Do you know who it is, in this room?" He looks around and raises his voice "who is it?"  
Nebbish seems expecting it's him looking at his professor. Zayn raises his pointer finger "don't give me that look. No no no" he goes by his side patting his shoulder "it isn't who talks the most, you are an NPR host. Tops" the students laugh at that.  
Zayn then continues walking between his students "the literary person here....is Mr.Payne" he looks down at him as he's standing behind him, then sits in the empty chair. "He is the least obstreperous in this room, the quietest, and the only one in this room who can have a real career in letters." Liam is listening a bit shocked "some of you can have one perceptually. Only he can have one in reality. He is better at writing than our US presently amateur number two is at tennis." He points at Harry. Then he says while leaning to Liam "yet, he choses to hide.. Or just blend in with the rest of you" he then asks him "Why?" Standing up walking around the chairs so he can meet his eyes. "Why is that Mr.Payne?"   
"a-.. Being in the middle is the safest place to be" Liam says trying to take this in.  
"Where do you come from?" Zayn asks walking closer to Liam. He's blushing furiously "Ohio". "Ohio.. Parents are geniuses by any chance, filthy rich?" Zayn asks and Liam shakes his head "no." Zayn rounds on him like a prosecutor, brutal, blunt.  
"Your dad wasn't the Earl of Oxford was he?" "no." Liam answers.  
"how old were you when you read?" Zayn looks at him intently.  
"I was two" Liam answers in a soft voice. Zayn is amazed "two? Well that's early." He takes his glasses off "That's prodigious. Any advantages? Literary home life?"   
Liam shakes his head, but now holding his stare boldly. "What was your father?" He asks him. Liam looks at him for a second then answers "he.. Worked in a factory".  
"Your mother?". Liam shakes his head and looks everywhere but at Zayn.   
"What was your mother?" Zayn presses leaning forward. Liam finally looks at him. "She was an alcoholic. She was insane" Zayn turns to Nebbish "wasn't your dad..." Nebbish cuts him off "I don't see how this is pertinent." Zayn turns back to an uncomfortable Liam. "No money no advantages, not a peer of the realm? You're not the earl of fucking Oxford are you? No?" Liam doesn't meet his eye's "Then why are you better than the rest of us?" Zayn raises hisnvoice and now is leaning close to him "No, you look at me" he says to him. Liam slowly lifts his eyes to look up at him. Zayn says a bit softer "You are better than the rest of us, if no one's told you that you're a genius, and an artist, let me be the first" and now there eyes are locked Liam's seems a bit glossy behind his glasses. Some student from the back says " I don't think if you can say that because I think it is subjective, man. i mean we all have something to offer" Zayn is still leaning in front of Liam eyes still locked "bullshit" then he walks "genius is magical, not material.if you don't have the magic, no amount of wishing will make it so." Liam is following him with his eyes.  
"Mr.Payne" Zayn says in a bit harsh voice walking to his desk his back to the class "if you plan to continue to come to my class you sit in the front where you belong or don't bother showing up" he takes his mic off throwing it on the table. "Have a nice day" and he's out of the class.  
Liam is looking after him still can't take in what just happened a hint of a smile is on his face.

+

As Zayn is making his way in the hallway Dean fuller is right behind him "may I have a word?". "More words?" Zayn says shaking his head at him as they walk together.   
"The athletic department has asked how a certain person is doing"   
Yeah sure Lamar. Zayn stops at that and faces the dean to say "How is a "certain person" doing? The certain person cannot write at collegiate level. Then again, who gives a fuck. Half of the tenured faculty would be flogged to death for idiocy at any grammar school in any previous century. So how would it matter"   
The dean asks him "why do you care about that if you don't care about anything?"   
"Probably right" Zayn says then leaving him standing alone.

 

\+ 

 

Zayn is waiting for the gate to open, he spins under the canopy of trees then stops his car. He sits for a minute, then gets out, squinting in the sun light. The front door is opened by a waiting butler.  
"Good morning Mister Malik". "Call me Zayn. How is the weekend?" He asks. "Crap, sir." The butler answers. Zayn chuckles as he passes through into the shadowed familiar interior.  
Zayn's mother Tricia is playing with Harry, who is her coach, Zayn sits in the high referees chair, sunglasses on, smoking a cigarette and watching the play.  
Harry wins.  
"I'll never beat you Mister Harry, but if you give me a point again, I'll fire you" she says angrily. Harry is barely sweating, grins and get it.  
She goes and brings his pay, "good luck in the finals". "Thank you, ma'am" and goes to his gear.

Tricia pours herself some ice water from a lemoned pitcher "why do you need the money?" She asks Zayn. "If you were escaping for a purpose maybe I'd buy it" she continues and Zayn shakes his head "going on as I am is the only thing I've got" he says. "That's sophistical. It's beneath you, Zayn. I think you would agree that modifications in your behavior are possible" "Do you?" She laughs weakly. He gets down and walks closer to her. "I know you are in real trouble, I know this is all connected to your grandfather's death. You are not narcissistic enough to be putting on a show, you're not an adolescent and I Think it goes without saying that you are far from stupid, you are my son." She stops for a second "but you have to understand that I've said goodbye before to people I love". "Yeah, what did ever happen to Dad?" Zayn asks. "I have done it many many times..I don't want to know the nature of your problem. I just want you to not have it." She tells him and he looks at her with a slight smile as she is getting closer till she's in front of him "I'm not giving you anymore" she tells him. Zayn gets closer kissing her cheek then leaves.  
His mobile is ringing, but he doesn't answer.

 

+

 

6 Days

 

Zayn have been waiting for 10 minutes, till finally a car stopped windows rolling down "are you Zayn Malik?" The man asks. "Yeah" Zayn answers "get in".  
The guy is a crazy driver they drive for couple of minutes. "Big Tommo" the man says holding up his hand to shake Zayn's. Zayn doesn't shake his hand looking at him "ain't that big". The man grins and says "I'm not talking about my jacket brother" Zayn huffs a laugh"dude, with all due respect I'm not interested in your junk".

\+ 

Zayn is sitting as Frank in the steam shaving his head holding a mirror "a friend of mine says you are a teacher" he says to Zayn. "I am an associate professor at UCLA" .  
"The amount of cash you want is more than I am ordinarily disposed to loan out unless, you are a medium sized country with the ability to raise taxes under the threat of military force". Frank says and Zayn smiles. He look at Zayn now " you got a family that can be squeezed? I'm saying that rhetorically".  
"Let's just deal with this as gentlemen who understands each other please" Zayn says. "No. I need for us to treat each other like we're not gentlemen and that we're very very stupid" Frank says back. Zayn nods "ok. There's no family. There is never any family." Frank accepts that "What do you make, a hundred, hundred fifty a year? Two hundred before taxes." Frank asks. Zayn takes a breath and shrugs.  
"What's wrong with you? You have brain damage, some fundamental disability? Two hundred is a monk" Frank continues "And you a monk, owe that Korean son of a bitch the prince of fucking darkness that much already. And then another fifty excluding the vig, to Niall Horan. Who will kill you because when you cut cards he got the king of spades and you laughed at him."   
"You are well informed" Zayn says   
"You borrowed 50k from a very dangerous man after he was already going to kill you"   
"Yes, I did" Zayn answers cooly.   
"birth, education,intelligence, talent, looks,family money, has all this been a real comprehensive fucking burden to you?" Frank asks him then he speaks looking at other men in the sauna with them "I see two problems. One, the world is at his feet in this town and he is a fucking monk. Two, he wants to dance with the devil for some unspecified personal reason and therefore owes money to Korean murderers and talks about a Horan's hat in a place where you can get killed and they merely drop your body up the Angeles Crest. Three he wants to borrow a quarter of a million dollars to pay off debts which he will not, in fact, pay off because, to go back to pint two, he's suicidal"  
"Just let me now what you can do for me alright?" Zayn tells him. "If I help you consolidate these debts, do you think I will be anybody you want to fuck up the ass? Am I likelier to be fucked up the ass?" He asks Zayn  
"Less likely, I imagine" Zayn replies. " listen to me, listen to me. I'm not your doctor, I'm not your cognitive therapist. But let me be your uncle. You have to pay ten percent a week" Zayn cuts him "I know what I have to do"  
"well, where are you going to get my money?",   
"I'll get your money, Frank"  
"How much do you want?" "I'm two hundred and sixty thousand all in." Zayn answers  
"when was the last time you ever had money in your hand to pay a debt, and paid it?" Zayn was about to answer but Frank raises his hand "don't fuck with me. This will be your first time when you pay, Am I right?" Zayn nods.  
"We are not done, I need something from you" Frank says standing up an walking to him sitting next to him. "Collateral...what?" Zayn says  
"No, I need you to say to me 'I need this money because I'm a scumbag gambler, I am a scumbag gambler who is drowning in his own shit that's the kind of man I am, Frank, and I want you to loan me, a dying suicidal asshole, a lot of money"   
"That's too much to remember, to repeat it." Zayn says. "Well, I'll make it simple for you. You want this money? Tell me I am not a man" Zayn doesn't reply. "Say it. Say I am not a man." 

\+ 

 

The class is empty and Zayn is sitting on his desk.   
"Did you mean what you said?" He lifts his eyes and sees Liam sitting in one of the front chairs. "Me having a talent.."   
"Is there something you don't get about 'A Plus plus plus, See me?'" Zayn replies.  
"Then you never 'see me'"   
"yeah, well, I don't wanna see you" Zayn says. Cause he knows he shouldn't. They shouldn't because something might. No he doesn't want to even think about it.  
"Because I've seen you.." Liam says as Zayn stares at him "in your other life."  
"No." Zayn shakes his head. "Oh" Liam gets it.   
"Do you know why I'm in trouble here? Cause I tell the truth. It's what I do Liam" Liam lifts his head to see him standing up now leaning on his desk. "What are you trying to say to me?" Liam asks looking at his eyes intently. "I need you to leave" Zayn says to him. "right now, this is not happening. I'm serious, go. You have to go" Looking at the doors way. Liam got angry and walked with furious steps out of the class forgetting his backpack. Zayn looks at it and lifting his head back in frustration puffing a breath. After a minute he hears the door open again and sees as Liam walking back and heading towards him not the bag. A book in hand, so he didn't forget the bag. Liam throws it on his lap. His book. "I want you to sign this"   
"absolutely fucking not" Zayn replies in a louder voice. "I want you to fucking sign it" Liam says back anger or is it frustration? is apparent in his voice. "I'm not being dramatic ok. But that was somebody else" Zayn says. "You are being dramatic" Liam tells him "which is fine because the novel is basically ok, but that's what you are a dramatist" he takes a breath then continues "did you write this because you believed in it or because you thought this is what people wanted?"   
Zayn looks at his eyes, and then Liam smiles a bit smug. "Well what do you propose we move on to" Liam gets closer leaning towards to him "when was the last time that somebody told you that you are a genius?" Looking at him boldly in the eye.   
"We are not having this conversation" Zayn says lifting his eyes from Liam's lips to his eyes.  
"I want to go to a restaurant" Liam tells him serious but a bit playful.  
"There is a whole bunch if things I don't do anymore and that's kind of up there"  
Long silence. Liam steps back taking his backpack and is out of the class.

That night Zayn goes to a strip club which offers a lot more than just that. 

+

 

He's at his house sitting cross legged reading on the floor. his phone rings it's Niall Zayn answers "Guy with no money speaking, how may I direct your call?"  
"I'm reading a book" Niall is on the line "it's not bad" and they keep talking about it while Zayn is making himself something to eat.  
"If you want to get into producing, there's only about a hundred grand against it at Warner Brothers. Good script. I know the guy who did it." Zayn tells him  
"It's an indie at best" Niall says. Zayn chuckles "yeah,that's what they thought."   
After a beat Niall says "I heard you went to Little Frank for some money, he wouldn't loan it you."  
"Well you heard wrong because he did try to loan it to me, and I didn't take it"  
"Didn't like the terms?" Niall asks. "No, the terms were unacceptable" Zayn says casually.  
"But you're into me. I ain't no Fannie Mae. Ain't no bailouts." Niall tells him.   
"yeah well, Why did you loan me the money?" Zayn asks seriously.  
"A gamble between two players who likes to play. Me and you. Stakes high. You know the time frame... Let me give you a bit of an advice here."   
"And what's that?" Zayn asks. "You owe somebody money, you don't fuck around... I want the money by Monday, and I'll take that car of yours, consider it collateral " And Niall ends the call.  
Zayn takes a deep breath biting his knuckle in deep thought.

 

+

 

"In The Stranger.." Zayn's voice is from between the few students in his Modern Novel classroom sitting among them. "Camus, protagonist fires five shots. The sixth shot of the revolver, he is reserving, symbolically, for himself... Noticing that originally is why I'm here now" he says sounding a bit exhausted. Bored? He looks around rubbing his forehead, then sighs "Lamar?" Then he says louder "Lamar, are you taking notes or are you texting?" as he gets up walking between chairs till he's in front of him. " do you have anything you wanna add?" Now looking at him in the eye "what do you think?" Zayn asks him.  
"Maybe the dude had the hammer down on an empty chamber or it was a weird french piece that only took five." Lamar answers. Zayn shakes his head and says "no,my idea works better if he has a full six" then he walks to the front of the class. "I don't understand suicide." Lamar says louder. Zayn turns around facing the class looking at Lamar like really? "Well that's because you're happy". "You got a BMW M1, how you unhappy?" Lamar asks.  
"Do I look happy?" Zayn asks waving his hand around his face which clearly is not.   
Lamar and the rest of the students laugh at that. "I'm not happy... You know why?" He roams his eyes around all the students. "Because I'm teaching the Modern Novel...to a classroom full of students who don't give a fuck." And he is so serious in saying this.  
Some students are shocked. He walks towards one, a girl. "You know we should have gone to American realism, I mean let's have more fuckin American realism. Shouldn't I be teaching you things?" He speaks to her. And some of the students is looking at him like he is cracking up. "I know all you're here for is a sufficiency of English credits, but God if I'm here I ought to be doing better, right?" Still looking directly at her. He shrugs then turns back and literally jumps on his desk standing turning around to face the students. He spreads his hands and says "I can stand here stark naked..AND I COULD YELL AS LOUUUUD AS I WANT..and nobody CARES! When you leave today call your parents and tell them you apologize for wasting their time and more importantly for wasting their money, sitting in this classroom learning absolutely NOTHING"  
After a breath he says "let's start fresh, let's clean this slate right now.Let me introduce myself. My name is Zayn Malik. I'm here pretending to teach" pointing at himself. "And you've been here pretending to learn" voice insanely calm. " this is what I want you to do. WRITE DOWN that he says the sixth shot is symbolically for himself...you're not gonna find a reference anywhere because I am the only one who thought of it, it's in monograph somewhere that got me into this situation where I CAN'T, SO I PRETEND TO TEACH, AND YOU PRETEND TO LEARN. LAMAR!!!! THE FUCKING PHONE!!" Lamar is looking around innocently like he's done nothing wrong. Zayn shakes his head hands on his hips, lips tight. " you stay after" Zayn says in a low tired voice. "Everybody else" he waves his hand "just go". "Go!.. Go" he says louder litterlay laying on his desk hand on his forehead the other on his stomach.   
When all the students are out Zayn speaks "What do I have to do. Do I have to get ten guys and some weapons, take out a life insurance policy , and try to put that phone up your ass?" He sits to stare at Lamar "because I will. Even if I'm losing my shit in here I need you to pay attention. Is that too much to ask for?"   
He looks at him expectantly " hah? You come into this class and you pay attention for a fucking hour! You know they expect me to pass you regardless. regardless!! They want me to give you a passing grade so you can keep going out there and bouncing that basketball around. I need you to put the phone down, for a second"   
"you're not the only one losing his shit!" Lamar says. And Zayn sags his shoulders. "I was going to talk to you anyway.. Cause I can't talk to anybody over there" Lamar gestures to the invisible Athletic Department. He then continues  
"Because all they say is what keeps me in line for what they want me to be. Which is Lamar! And I don't wanna be Lamar! I done all that just want to be a fucking dude in the universe. Or do more than being Lamar! Do you follow me?"   
"Yeah, I know all about it" Zayn says nodding his head,  
Lamar stands up and walks to him saying "Fucking coach don't know it, but there is more than being Lamar!. I stick with this shit I'll go crazy. Be one of those brothers talks about himself in third person. Talk about how Lamar Hampton is at ease with his celebrity. They got me in a box where they want me"  
Zayn smiles.   
"Trapped by talent. Imagine that" Zayn says.   
Lamar speaks after a second "You know man in here it's all existential situations and shit no matter what you start talking about. You come around to be free or not to be free, how to be yourself or nothing at all."   
"Is that what I talk about? All or nothing?" Zayn asks in calm voice.  
"I never heard you talk about anything else but to be or not to be. And I had four classes with you" Lamar tells him.   
"Maybe you got me" Zayn says staring at him.  
Lamar goes to sit down and after a bit of silence he shakes his head "I need to go pro"  
"i don't think you're gonna have any trouble, Lamar" Zayn tells him.   
"i don't mean later, I mean now. I need to go pro. I already got a knee... Nobody knows about it cause I didn't say anything but I already got a knee. See I'm not gonna stay here telling you my mom needs an operation my little sister has a spinal bifida but I'm gonna tell you I got a knee. I got a knee, I am a junior. And Whenever I tell somebody don't play college ball my senior year nobody listens to me!! It's like I'm talking Chinese on another fucking planet. And then the coach tells me I wouldn't have the market value I will have if I don't play in my senior year. What he doesn't know is that I got a fucking knee."   
"You have it looked at away from the department?" Zayn asks him "yeah"   
Zayn nods. 

 

+

 

He's in his bath leaning forward trying to take deep breathes willing himself not to cry, his car is being taken away by Niall, Lamar is on T.V and he's thinking about everything. He rubs at his face looking at Lamar playing "he's the best at the game" the narrator says.   
Zayn laughes to himself and takes the small T.V and crashes it on the floor of his bathroom.  
Tricia appears by the door of his bathroom, he looks up at her frowning. "Did you put money on the game" she asks him.   
"Why would I have money on the game?" He asks back frowning more. " he's a student of mine,that's unethical I would not bet on a student of mine, do you think I'd do something like that?!! I would never do anything like that ok? What kind of a person do you think I am?" Zayn says almost in one breath to his mother voice louder than he intended. "Do I have money on the game!" He says huffing a laugh shaking his head.  
His mother puts a box of a new cellphone where the T.V were. And she watches a few seconds of Lamar from the T.V on the ground. "Huh.. Is he good at English?" She asks while turning away. Leaving a frowning Zayn behind. "No he is not" he says in a loud voice frown apparent in his tone. He watches her from the bath walking around in his room. He curses and grabs his towel and walks to his room,  
"How bad is this trouble you are in?" She asks him. "I'm always in trouble."   
"No I mean : do you still need the money?" She explains.  
"No."   
"I don't know when to believe you anymore.. Perhaps I should believe the man that called my home." Zayn stills his hands as he's buttoning his shirt. And looks up at her. He reaches for a pad of paper and writes on it and folds it and hands it to her.   
"What's that?" She asks.  
"What I owe." She takes the paper and reads. She trembles with rage "god! How is this possible?" "It was the same as marriage. I gambled, I lost." Zayn replies calmly.   
"No, marriage is in the real world,it's not a game of chance." Tricia says throwing the paper on the table angrily. "Now you're talking crazy" he says back.   
"What will they do to you if you don't pay?" She asks in a hoarse voice not able to look at him.  
Zayn looks at her. "break every bone in my body, or go after my family." He says it like it's nothing huge, Tricia stands up at that and slaps him in the face.. And Zayn takes it.  
"I can't help doing this" Zayn says puffing a breath smiling.  
"I don't believe this is a disease" she says pinching her eyes.  
"There's going to be a moment where I want something again, when I wont allow myself to be seen in this condition, but it isn't now and it isn't up to you or anything you or anybody says." His voice is getting louder with each word. She knocks everything off the table taking her purse and scarf and taking his jacket too. turning to him slamming with his jacket. "Are you degraded enough to go to the bank with your mother." And she walks out.

 

\+ 

"In cases like this I have to ask is everything ok?" The banker asks.  
"Nothing is okay. When someone needs that amount of money in cash. But it's my money and It's not of your goddamn business." The banker looks from Zayn to Tricia, "Are you a relation?"   
She asks. "this is my son" Tricia answers her. "Either you can't see uncanny resemblance or implying she is under duress or something?" Zayn says.  
"Should I be?" The banker asks with a tight smile she can't be fucked with.  
"Dear, it's my money.. And there is plenty of it and don't even start tell me all this bullshit is for my protection because that is understood. You have the withdrawal slip, here this is my ID" she hands it to her "there are sufficient funds my family has been with this bank since my father in law started it. Now what I want is two hundred and sixty thousand dollars in cash." Tricia ends teeth gritted.  
"Are you sure you want that in cash" the banker asks.  
"In cash.. Ok? Cash" Tricia says trying to control her rage.  
"I'm sorry I gotta ask.." The banker starts . Tricia cuts her off "What?!!"   
"For a second. Identification. It's for your own protection"  
Zayn is sitting there hiding behind his sunglasses which covers his dignity. 

 

+

"This is the last of it. If I ever have to hear about your problems again, I will never see you again do you understand that?" Tricia tells him that in a pained voice holding the money, Zayn looks everywhere but her but he nods.  
She drops the envelop of money hard on the floor and grabs him by his jacket crying "I NEED YOU TO FUCKING UNDERSTAND THAT" she looks at people around them in the street "am I embarrassing you? Do you want to just take the money" Zayn shakes his head not looking at her. "You want to just take the money and go. Even if I say goodbye to you and consider it cheap to be rid of you" leaving her hold on his jacket roughly. "Yeah, I wanna take the money and go" he says still not meeting her eyes. She looks at him shocked eyes filling with more tears. She backs away couple of steps then turns around. Tears falling and a choked sob leaving her throat.  
Zayn leans down taking the envelop. She looks back at him he catches her eyes.  
She recovers herself drying her tears which did nothing and heads to her car head held high.

 

\+ 

4 Days

 

Zayn is sitting on a bench, and he sees him, walking out of the building headphones on and he's so into what he's listening to, and he keeps watching him as he says Hi to some of the people he knows, lips moving with the lyrics as he walks to his car head bobbing to the tune. he passes by him but Doesn't notice Zayn.  
Liam gets in his car and he catches Zayn in his rearview, he drives backwards and rolls the window "Hey!"   
"Hey" And they stay locking eyes for what seems like forever till Liam speaks leaning as he talks "if I have to pull you into an inappropriate relationship to get you out of your job, I'm ready to go" Liam says smiling with a shy smirk and Zayn doesn't know how is that possible. Zayn looks at his lap then around then smiles cause he can't control it and looks back at him "So am I" Liam laughs as Zayn jumps to his feet, and gets in the car with him after Liam clears the mess on the seat.

 

+

 

They are sitting on a blanket in this huge desert, wind blowing around them. Zayn crossed legged. Liam leaning on his palms.  
"What if I told you that I'm not a gambler?" Zayn says looking at Liam  
Liam meets his stare and Zayn continues "What if you saw me with a needle in my arm? And I told you that I'm not a Junkie?"   
Liam's lips tilts with a smile "I saw you be a professor and I know you are not one of those" he says raising an eyebrow. Zayn laughs at that and turns to look forward. Sighs "it's good to come out here.. It's good".  
"I come out here because it makes me feel alive" Liam tells him, "No. No" Zayn says shaking his head turning to look at him and Liam is not meeting his eyes looking on his left. "No, not good enough. There is something else I don't quite know what it is, I know a lot but I don't fucking know that"

"Sitting on a blanket in the middle nowhere with nothing around.. Without knowing the possibilities then it's bullshit I'm sick" Zayn says throwing a rock.  
Liam turns at him disbelievingly eyebrows furrowed and says "you are the perfect example of how a person can start out with no problems what so ever! And make sure he has all of them!"  
"There's no relative degree of suffering. What? You want me to talk about my problems? I won't . I don't like people with problems or the fucking vanity to bring them up."   
Liam is looking at him intently.  
"That's where I'm from.. I'm like" Zayn says looking at his lap and he raises his head and puffs a breath realizing "I'm like my mother" looking back at Liam shaking his head. "You know wether I'm like my father or not. I couldn't tell you cause she drove him away when I was little" Liam looks at him with a hint of sympathetic smile. "And You don't think that you need to talk to anybody?" Liam says looking up at Zayn as he stood. "I need a lot of things.. I gotta wipe myself out first." After that he finally looks at Liam saying "I need to have no past. If I can get to it nothing,then I can start over." He says that then he walks couple of steps then runs shouting "Let go" then says loudly to Liam "do you wanna help me start over?" Liam laughs at that and gets up to join him.

+

 

They end up at a casino Zayn is walking with a stunned Liam by the arm. As he sees more and more Gamblers. Ladies with coins bucket, men with oxygen hoses, cowboys, he even sees a guy in a wheelchair.  
"There is something wrong with everybody here. They all ought to be in the hospital." Liam says lookin around. Zayn replies "That's right. But they are not. The Man wants you to be in the hospital" and Liam Laughs. "These people are goddamned Americans making a major stand for freedom of choice for autonomy." A couple walks by one of them with an oxygen backpack "Well, assisted autonomy" Zayn ends and cackles. Liam raises an eyebrow chuckling.   
" that's what I got" he throws the filled envelop at Liam. Liam laughs"wow" smirking and throws it back "yeah, well at least I'm gonna get rid of my mother"   
Zayn walks with Liam envelope in hand they head to the blackjack table.  
Liam sits as Zayn is standing to play. there is a drunk who eyes his chips"how far are you going man?" The man asks. "Far as it goes buddy" Zayn replies. "I go as far as that seat on the other side of you man" he tells Zayn wiggling his eyebrows at Liam. And Liam giggles blushing a bit. "Save it for the old lady, oldie" Zayn tells him chuckling as he wraps an arm around Liam's waist pulling him towards him.  
The man raises his eyebrows at Liam in shock, and Liam scrunches his nose at him, Zayn looks down at him with a smile. And the game begins. Zayn slips his arm back slowly. Liam's breath hitches.  
"That's five hundred dollars" the dealer says. "Yes it is. Are you a dealer or an investment counselor." A jack. A deuce. "Double" Zayn tells him.  
The dealer looks at him. "Are we gambling or what?" Zayn says. "Come on give me the three". And three it is.  
One of the men on the table says "woah, who are you Houdini" Another "unbelievable" Liam goes to stand right beside him as a man joins the table. Zayn goes this time with all of his chips.  
He loses. He looks back at Liam "I'm going in with another ten thousand" Liam frowns a bit and looks at Zayn's profile with an is he serious? Look. "Give me the envelope" he tells Liam after a moment. He throws in more money. The dealer looks at him like he is a crazy man, that old man too. People starts gathering around the table. Liam walks away from the table and goes to have something to drink. He sits waiting for Zayn. Drink after drink.  
+

Zayn is sitting watching the view from the he doesn't know what floor is this and he doesn't fucking care. Liam back to the wall asks him "Everything?" Zayn looks at him but doesn't answer him. He gives his hand for Zayn to take and he does, then pulls him up and shoves him to the way of elevator with a smile shaking his head still not believing this person in front of him. Is Zayn asking for it?  
+

At Liam's apartment.  
Liam is sitting on his bed only in sweatpants after he had gotten out of the shower. Zayn on the couch. "Do you want to hear something crazy?" Zayn says smiling weakly not meeting his eyes.  
Voice hoarse "There is this student... Just the other day... Who said that my problem, if one's nature is a problem, rather than just problematic, is that I see things in terms of victory or death. And not just victory but total victory. And it's true. I always have. It's either victory or don't fucking bother. The only thing worth doing is the impossible right?. Everything else is gray. You're born...as a man... With nerves of a soldier the apprehension of an angel, to lift a phrase, but there is no use for it. Here? Where's the use for it? You're set up to be a philosopher or a king or fucking Shakespeare. And this is all they give you? This ? Twenty odd years of school which is all instruction in how to be ordinary... Or they'll fucking kill you," shaking his head voice furious in places shaking in other ."they fucking will, and then it's a career, which is not the same thing as existence... I want unlimited things. I want everything. A real fucking love. A real fucking house. A real fucking thing to do... Every day. I'd rather die if I don't get it." He says the last bit in a low voice looking at the ground.  
Liam is sitting their looking at him taken aback. Zayn finally lifts his head upset obvious on his face he blinks "Did I just say that out loud?"   
Liam surges forward and kisses him passionately Zayn surprised holds him by the waist, Liam straddles him. Zayn kisses back cause god knows he've been yearning for this, And Zayn goes and gets a hand through his hair and pulls a bit, licking his way down to his neck and finally he gets to bite that beautiful birthmark. Which turns out to be a spot of weakness if his moans are any indication. "I want you" Liam whispered panting. Zayn caressed his cheek and Liam kissed the inside of his palm. Looking at each other it was obvious Zayn was in a war with himself. Liam leaned so their foreheads are touching "Why are you thinking now, y-you're a suicidal of a gambler, why?" Liam says voice not higher than a whisper Zayn lifts his head holding Liam's face in his hands "because... I am an idiot. Because you are not something I want to lose"  
Liam surges forward again to kiss him. "Have me" Zayn kisses back just as hard. "Have me please...I want.." He gasps as Zayn lifts him standing up and lays him on bed. So gentle. He watches Zayn as he takes off his Jacket then his shirt, belt till he is in only his boxers, he goes back to kissing Liam, and he thinks he got a new addiction.  
He trails his kisses down biting and licking at his collars and he pinches a nipple making Liam's breath hitch. He licks his way down "up" and Liam lifts his hips. Zayn groans Liam isn't wearing an underwear. His mouth waters. Lifting himself Liam's hands goes to rid him of his boxers too as he kisses Zayn's neck he whispers "it's only fair" huffing a laugh. Zayn shivers. He pushes Liam back as soon as he rid himself of his boxers. And he caresses Liam's inner thigh with his palm holding himself up with the other by Liam's head. He's so close to touching where he needs him most but he doesn't. He sucks a bruise on his neck and going down to lick his nipple he bites it and Liam is fully hard. Panting he whimpers a "please".   
"On your knees" Zayn tells him kissing his cheek. and Liam does just that.  
Liam feels Zayn's hand groping his cheeks, he looks back at Zayn their eyes meeting. And Zayn notices the blush on his face he looks nervous. Zayn leans on him chest to back kissing his neck "do you still want this?"   
"Y-yeah.. Yeah. I do Zayn please.."   
"Where's the.."  
"In the drawer" Liam answers.  
Zayn goes and nudges his knees further apart. And Liam let's out a filthy moan. Because he didn't expect that. Zayn's tongue licks a strip up Liam's ass, Liam can't help but clench his hole Zayn then goes and spreads his cheeks and starts licking around his entrance. When Liam finally releases. Zayn starts to pushing his tongue till he's fucking him with his tongue. Liam is overwhelmed little ah-ah's falling from his lips. Zayn doesn't want him to cum yet, he licks his lips and starts littering kisses on the back of his thighs, cheeks as he uncaps the bottle of lube warming it, then starts teasing his hole he preps him slowly starting with one finger waits till he sees him push back and adds a second then third finger. Liam gasps "there, oh god.. Please just right there" moaning loud. Zayn coats his member with lube as he is still fingering him. He pulls out his finger and Liam whines "I want to see you, babe" Zayn whispers as helps him lay on his back he lays on top of him his arm by Liam's head the other caressing his hip and starts kissing him filthily and he nods at Liam "ready?"   
Liam nods, and Zayn holds his member getting close to nudge the head to Liam's hole. Soon Liam feels him enter slowly Liam is gasping. Zayn groans as he bottoms out. He starts to move, pulling back then pushing in. Soon Liam starts meeting him. Liam feels himself getting closer Zayn feels it too. Zayn sits on his knees his member pulls out till the head is just only in and holds Liam's hips and lifts him till his ass is on his lap wrapping his legs around his back giving him the perfect angle to push against his prostate. And Liam arches his back hands clutching the sheets so tight. And comes untouched so hard long spurts of cum on his chest and stomach. Zayn soon follows he pulls out slowly and lays next to Liam who has his eyes closed he pulls him on top of him legs tangled together. Liam hums "that was good"  
"Just good?"Zayn asks faking shock. Liam giggles and pinches his nipple "it was amazing babe best sex" he yawns "I ever had, now hush I want to sleep" he finally opens his eyes lifting his head kissing Zayn's nose and buries his head in Zayn's neck.

 

3 days

Liam wakes up to an empty bed There was a note "had to go.Business to do :)." Liam shakes his head smiling not believing las night happened. 

 

+

 

Sitting in a bench waiting, he notices two cars and gets up. Walking into an alley the cars follow,   
"Hey Zayn! You stopped answering your phone, I told you the time frame" Niall says as he gets out of the car following him. "And why the fuck I'll care about your time frame"  
Niall holds him by the collar and slams him on the wall " so you don't die" Niall says.  
"Everybody dies" Zayn says seeming not a bit caring.  
Niall lifts his sunglasses. And looks at him not believing him "you're not afraid of dying of something other than natural causes?" Niall asks. "I gotta take whatever is coming because I don't have the money" Zayn tells him.  
"Your grandfather pops and you don't have any money?" Niall asks   
"Well my grandfather's position was that poverty was a character builder.so.." Zayn replies  
"Not even 'I'll have it'? You just say no, you pay the Korean any of his?" Niall says.  
"No"   
Niall gives him his back and walks couple of steps thinking. "do you know Lamar Hampton?" He finally asks.  
"No".  
"Don't fuck with me" .  
"H-He's a student of mine.. What is this got to do with everything?" he says   
"You know what this got to do with everything" Niall says facing him now.

 

+

Zayn is taking a bath and when his phone rings he holds his breath and gets himself under water.. Ten..twenty..thirty.. He still hears it.  
He gets out of the shower, dries himself and clicks to hear the voice message. "Hey Zayn, pick up the phone, buddy. Pick up" it's Niall "and hey I called Lamar and it wasn't his number, Zayn.. Now I need the number Zayn. I know where you live. Tick tock motherfucker"  
Zayn gets his gun out. Puts on some music, sitting on the couch gun in hand he pours himself a glass of Jack. Soon the bottle is empty, He passes out dreaming of water washing all of his living nightmares away.

+

2 Days

 

The other morning he wakes up to Mister Lee sitting in a chair talking to him while he is laying on the floor "Human weakness... Is not something I discourage. How could I? I run gambling establishments. I have not been in debt for many years but I remember is feeling."  
"What's that?" Zayn asks still on the floor. " Mister Lee's men are searching the house making a mess put of it ruining the couches everything.  
"to be obligated, unbalanced in one's thoughts, insecure, unclean. I think you want to hurt yourself. But make others do it for you." Zayn now standing faces him and says " I'm not going to tell you I'll get the money, because I don't know if I can. I wouldn't insult you." He then sits in front of him. "It doesn't make any difference,I mean I have no position Right? .. You expected your money and I don't have it. Here we are what the fuck do you wanna do?" Zayn says.  
"How am I to collect?" Mister Lee asks. "Loan me another hundred thousand."  
Mister Lee laughs "it's how I got in. It's the only way I'll get out." Zayn tells him.

He is conducted by one of Mister Lee's men to the bathroom and his head is plunged into the still full bath.   
Zayn is left sitting against the bathroom tiles, clutching a towel in his lap. While he hears the Koreans driving away. He struggles to his feet and looks at the mirror which has been written on : Monday. "Oh, fuck" 

 

+

Zayn is in the Jewelry store and and the jeweler Iranian is examining his watch. "Perfectly good watch. Why do you want to sell it?" He asks.  
"Either I don't need to know what time it is, or I need money. What do you care?" Zayn replies annoyed. "I need to know if it is.." Zayn cuts him off "no. What you need to do is just to come up with an offer, or not". The man looks at him "we have so many of these here" Zayn cuts him off again "hey! That's an Omega it's worth more than six thousand brand new. And when you have it, no one will know it isn't brand new"   
"You are insulting me why" the jeweler says. "I'm insulting you?"   
"Yeah you are insulting me".   
Zayn gets closer and says "We're not going to fuck around, no, no don't even talk to me anymore. I want you to understand that when I say what I want for it, I'm giving you the figure that I will take for i. Do you understand me? No no no. No, look at me I Will say the price and you will either say yes or no, do you understand?"   
"It is impossible to say yes or.."   
"All right" Zayn says. The Jeweler stops him "wait wait wait.. It is a good watch, I am a good man.." Zayn cuts him off "I told you not to say anything but yes or no. You're wasting my time"  
"Ok, I'm willing to listen to your price" the jeweler finally says. "You can't counter it. When I say my figure,that's the figure, and you either say yes or no, you got it?" Zayn asks.  
"How can I say yes or no if I am not hearing the price?" Jeweler says. "You're not getting it"   
"I am getting it, I am" the jeweler tells him.  
"You need to understand fully tat what I say is not an opening figure" Zayn says watch in hand " you can say yes or no, you cannot say a lower figure and expect to meet at some point in the middle. Do you under-fucking-stand?" Zayn ends furious. "Please, yes I understand, calm, calm. What is your price?"   
"Three thousand five hundred dollars" Zayn says. "One thousand" the Jeweler says and Zayn drops his head defeatedly. He takes the watch and heads to the door.  
"Twelve hundred" the jeweler says "go fuck yourself, you piece of shit" and he's out if the door. He hears the man shouting. "Hey, wait. Wait a second, please" and the man follows him out of the store "please, I can't help my self." The jeweler says. "Yes you can. Try" Zayn tells him pointing a finger at him. The Jeweler looks confused and says "two thousand?" Zayn puffs a breath and walks away "why, it's a good price.. I give you a check there is no problem" the jeweler shouts.   
A car stops and Zayn starts walking backwards and goes back to the way of the jeweler another car meets him and another, two men come to get him and throw him inside the car. And they head to an abandoned building he's now on a chair, looking at Niall Horan "my man Zayn. You gave me the wrong number. Do you know what else I know?"   
"What is that?" Zayn asks.  
"Do you think all Koreans are all Korean and shit and don't communicate with others?" Niall says laughing. He then continues "I hear you asked Mister Lee to stake you out of your situation. That he gives you enough to have another shot at the title of the world's stupidest asshole. Give me Mister Lee's money"   
"If you have a source,you know he didn't give me any" Zayn says. "Fuck you"  
"Well your infos are all wrong"Zayn says. "How am I going to get my money Zayn"   
"What if I told you I quit my job and I'm going to write a novel" Zayn says. "Really? What did the first one make?" Niall asks him. "With the advance and the royalties, seventeen thousand dollars all in" Zayn answers. "Fuck me, for one of the better reviewed first novels of 2007 think we have to make some other arrangements. The culture evidently has. Let's talk cash first and other business later. You can't get cash from your family?" Niall asks.  
"I got all I could get"   
"Could I get any cash from your family if I sent you down to Mexico, whoops- oh my god I don't know what happened to him- and had my friend Valerio send them your dick" Niall says  
"My family didn't make the money because they pays up easily" Zayn says to him.  
"Well that's apparently genetic. I'll tell you boy genetics is a cruel fuckin mistress." He says now facing Zayn and continues "what if I lit a cigar and put it out on your eyeball? Would you give me the money then?"   
"I'm not a magician" Zayn answers. "If you didn't think you were a fucking magic occasionally you wouldn't be here owning me 60 thousand dollars"   
There is silence for a moment then he speaks again "I'm gonna need the equity of your house Zayn. We'll paper it right as a sale. But then I have to take over the fuckin mortgage and get some goddamned Vice President of animation or some other asshole to rent it and I DON'T LIKE THAT SHIT" Niall says   
"Now your grandfather I respect him, he is a businessman but Lamar who you gave me the wrong number for.." Zayn cuts him off "Lamar is a good kid, alright he doesn't need any of this shit."   
"You are going to tell me you made a mistake with the number?" Niall asks.  
"no,why tell you I made a mistake, I gave you a fake one, I made it up." Zayn replies cooly. "Well, see my man mister Jones gonna give you a real one" Niall says as one of his men come forward and knocks Zayn down out of his chair now split skin by his left eye socket he pushes himself up. "That is the last time you lie to me my friend, Lamar don't need your help. Every man has to go it alone. Lamar to make his own choice so let him make it. Now I'm not gonna call him, that would merely confuse the issue. You'r gonna get me Lamar. And it will be more than an introduction. In fact I don't even want an introduction. Lamar is going to do exactly what I want him to do without him ever seeing my face. I need him before the game tomorrow at home, now they're running eight points on Michigan. You tell Lamar if he wants he can win by seven but no more. But you get him for tomorrow. Cause if not I'm going to kill that cute little student of yours Liam is it?, show you the pictures and kill you next."  
Zayn stares at him breathing heavily.

+

Zayn is in his office thinking deeply, he starts taking stuff from his drawers putting them in a box, till a voice interrupts his thoughts. "What happened to your face?" It's Liam standing in all his glory leaning on the wall.  
"Whatever happened it already happened and it won't happen again" Zayn says rummaging through his drawers. "So you are starting to make promises now?" Liam says. "Well that's not happening." Zayn says as He puts the last thing furiously and takes the box and throws it on the table "you don't get it" and goes out of the door, Liam behind him "what's going on?" He asks. "I'm getting out of here as fast as I can and as everybody and their fucking aunt is eyeballing me right now it might be better if you weren't chasing along as if you're my wife" Zayn says as he is still walking. "Jesus christ"   
"I tell the truth that is all I got" Zayn says. "No. No you can't talk to people like that" Liam says looking at Zayn's eyes now that he is facing him. "Really. Who says? Ha? Who fucking says?" Zayn raises his voice. Liam looks around them. "I do" Liam says sounding worried and hurt kind of embarrassed as everybody in the hall look at them. "Want you to stop looking concerned, I want you to shake my hand. You know the fucking man I am don't lie to yourself, I don't" he looks almost panicked looking around.  
Liam looks more worried now. "What happened?" Liam says in a low voice.  
"Nothing happened.. You're not getting it ok? Just if I come to your door then I've made it, and everything is starting to be alright. If I don't come then I didn't fucking make it. And what you do with the dead is bury them that's it." Zayn finishes.  
"You really hate yourself that much?" Liam asks not believing Zayn is that far.  
"Hold out your hand and say goodbye...." Liam just looks at him   
.."Please"  
Liam still looking at him and he looks so hurt "please Liam"   
Liam swallows"It's really fucking easy to be passionate about Robert fucking Greene" he says angrily and turns around walking away, trying to hold back his tears.  
Zayn closes his eyes wipes his face and gets out of the building.

 

+

Lamar is training. Zayn is watching him. Lamar notices him after couple of minutes. "What happened to your face, man?" He asks "a little while ago you came to me for advice about turning pro. I know it's about your knee. I know you have a feeling you have to put money in the bank so..I was wondering if you would like to make two hundred and fifty grand in two hours" Zayn says "depend on what you have in mind" Lamar says.  
"Throwing a game. You can't win tomorrow by more than seven points."   
"That's not throwing a game. That's winning by less than eight. Who wants me to do it?" Lamar asks . Zayn points to his black eye "What they got on you?" Lamar asks. "It doesn't matter." Zayn says. Lamar gets closer to him looking at the bruised eye better "man, they fucked you up..they didn't need to fuck you up" and goes to what he's doing. "No, I needed it they'll fuck you up if you needed it, too. You gotta deliver." Zayn tells him. "I'm asking cause I know you need it, it's up to you it's your call" Zayn continues. "I do this I get out of trouble?" Lamar asks. "No" Lamar shakes his head and goes to take his towel, And he's out of the door.

 

\+ 

The bar is almost empty only a few customers in. Frank and Big Tommo sits at a table watching a horse race on a huge television and eating peanuts. "And it's Barcelona postcard by a length. No one can believe it." He hears the announcer. "Well they fucking weren't supposed to, were they. That was the point. Hey, turn that off" Franks says. the bartender does. Zayn walks to him. "sit down" Frank points to the seat in front of him "do you drink? I don't remember if you drink. Of course there's drink and drink. I drink but I haven't been drunk since Reagan was president. God's honest truth. I got DUI. And in jail I actually fell down and pissed my pants. You don't need to do that twice. i tell you this so you know at everybody's been there." Frank says. "Everybody's been there" Big Tommo agrees. "Once. If you're there twice, after having been there once... i can't help you... You know I listen to the drunks, and it's like you're listening to a fairy story about a fight with a fuckin monster when the actual title of the story is 'I can't handle my liquor' by mister Crybaby." Franks says. "Amen" Tommo says.   
"I don't know, maybe they have a problem, but fuck them if they do, cause I don't. Which leads me to ask : are you pulling this shit just now, or forever."   
Zayn doesn't answer. So Frank continues "I mean do you have a "problem"? Wah wah wah like some little fucking girl wah wah wah, or some Somali who can't process that there's no food where they live, or are you just fucked up temporarily because you're temporarily fuckin stupid."   
"Are you long business or short business" Tommo asks him. "What's the difference." Zayn says  
"I need to know if you have the fuckin brains to walk when it's time to walk. People don't, you know? Ball players who can't play anymore, assholes trying to maintain a standard of living not possible any more. Lot of them around. I've seen you be half a million dollars up."   
Zayn looks at Frank and says cooly "I've been up two and a half million dollars up"   
"What you got on you?" He asks Zayn. "Nothing."   
"What you put away?" Zayn answers again with "Nothing."   
"You get up two and a half million dollars, any asshole in the world knows what to do. You get a house with a twenty five year roof, an indestructible Jap economy shitbox, and you put the rest into the system at three to five percent to pay your taxes, and that's your base, get me, that's your fortress of fucking solitude, and you are for the rest of your life at a level of 'Fuck you'. Someone wants you to do something? 'Fuck you'. Boss pisses you off? 'Fuck you'. Own your house, have a few bucks in the bank, don't drink, that's all I have to say to anybody at any social level. Did your grandfather take risks?" Frank ends asking. "Yes" Zayn replies.  
"I can guarantee he did it from a position of 'Fuck you'." Zayn shakes his head agreeing. "A wise man's life is based around 'Fuck you'. The United States of America is based on 'Fuck you'. You're a king? You have an Army, the greatest Navy in the history of the world? 'Fuck you, blow me'. We'll fuck it up ourselves..." He raises his glass and continues "Which we have done. Beautiful fuck you position, lost forever. King George the Third looks like a fucking birthday present." He stops a waitress and says "this is the grandson of the seventeenth richest man in California."   
She looks at Zayn and says "does he drink?" Zayn says nothing so Frank speaks "What he wants is money because he doesn't know when to say 'that is it, I'm two million ahead, fuck it, fuck you, I have a car and a house and a family, it's all paid for, fuck you".  
"Even I did that, of course it's out of Pearblossom." Tommo says.   
"I'll have a beer. Just like anybody else" Zayn says to the waitress. "What kind?"  
"Any kind". "I got thirty seven beers, don't fucking put it on me" she says and leaves.  
"But he did put it on you miss" Frank says raising his voice. He sighs "you still owe large, teo places you shouldn't. Why you want door number three?" He asks Zayn.  
"How else do I get out" he replies. "Time payments, sell your sperm, sell your ass, how the fuck should I know...I am of the universe and you know what it's worth" Frank says. "It worths plenty" Big Tommo says. Zayn turns to look at him. Then looks at Frank when he speaks again "If I give you this money, and you don't pay me back, there are no rules. You never, ever, get to say 'Fuck you' to anybody. You'll get me not just what you owe me from your family, you'll get me thier accounts so I can have them vacuumed from Russia. You jump from a bridge you can do it knowing that I'll kill your entire bloodline. Do you understand the gravity of your situation."  
"I understand" Zayn nods. "You get up, you get out" Frank says as he pulls something from his pocket and holds out a car key giving it to Zayn. "What's this?" Zayn asks.   
"This kinda money, what's a car?" Frank says. He then gets closer looking at Zayn in the eye "what do you want to be able to say to me?" He asks Zayn.   
"Fuck you". Frank holds up and drink it in one shot.

 

+

 

Zayn goes to the parking lot uses the key and looks at the trunk. There is a duffel in it. He calls Harry "I got a job for you".

 

He closes the trunk and heads off to Mister Lee in one of his stores "You have my money?"   
"I don't have any money..I want you to stake me" Zayn replies. His men closes the store. "Stake me and I'll get your money" at that Zayn gets kicked brutally.  
"Why did you go see Frank?" Mister Lee asks. "I didn't. Fucking stake me" he gets punched again "please, tell me you hit your wife harder than that you fucking pussy" Zayn says to the man who punched him as he gets up. The other man hits him right on the balls and both guys start kicking him. And he's on the floor now fighting to get up "what can I do with you?" Mister Lee says staring at him as if he is a limitless curiosity.  
"Stake me" he says shrugging now that he's standing. And both men start punching at him again. Zayn get's up again blood covering his lip "fucking stake me" he says.  
Mister Lee laughs. And he contemplates his own gamble.

+

Last Day

 

At the Arena Zayn arrives and sits down as Lamar's team is out into the light. The crowd cheers and it is a really big crowd. The game starts.

Horan is watching the game at his house "alright, alright, that's my man" he tells his boys.  
The other team scores. And Lamar takes it and scores one, too. Then the second, third. "Hang on hang on! This shit ain't right" Niall says. Then Lamar scores the fourth "what is he doing?" Niall is confused. The fifth comes "man, he better stop preforming.." He says "I don't get it, isn't that your man?" one of his men says. "If he doesn't handle his business I'm gonna handle him" Niall says. Lamar misses a shot "oh, yes that's better" Niall laughs. Lamar is acting well, making it appear as if it's lack of quickness or grace "that's more like it, that's what I'm talking about" Niall says looking at his men. The coach is not happy with Lamar's performance and he pulls him out of the game, on his way to the bench he looks at the crowd, till he finds Zayn. Later he get's him back in the game, Lamar starts scoring a shot after the other, "come on that is some bullshit, I told him less than eight" Horan says. The crowd shouts the countdown

8

7

6

5

4

3

2

1

+

 

Niall is sitting with some of his men and family members smoking cigar and drinking, one of his men approaches him and whisper in his ear.and he stands up going to where is Zayn is sitting in his office "my boy delivered"Niall says laughing "you delivered. You know how rare that is? A man delivers? You get so used to every motherfucker not delivering that when he does, you wanna cry."   
"So are we square? Gonna stop threatening Liam?" Zayn asks.  
"How about I tell you, you get to keep your job at the university, forever.just so long you keep teaching English 101 to a lot of tall brothers." Niall says. "I'd tell you to kill me" Zayn says. Face blank. Niall smiles at him "have a drink"   
"Don't want one" Zayn replies.   
"I see the Koreans fucked your face up"   
"Yes they did"   
"You're just moving on to the next phase of bullshit" Niall tells him now sitting on his desk  
Zayn shrugs in what can I do kind of way.  
"You know what the only trouble with the game today?" Niall asks. "What's that?"   
"Someone else bet on a eight point spread, with a lot of fucking money, in Vegas. Now, would you know who that was?"   
Zayn shakes his head "No. I have no idea". "You don't tip no one?"   
"No"   
"What is your life's plan Zayn?" Zayn shrugs.  
"Make a part of it never seeing me again.. I don't need you no more brother" Niall says.  
"I know that" Zayn says. "You think I want you out there after me knowing that?" Niall asks gestures at the money being counted "knowing this" Niall says.  
"I'm gonna tell you that I'm not going to do you the discourtesy of assuming what you're thinking, but I know you'll do the right thing" Zayn tells him. Niall chuckles and asks "why is that?"  
"Because that is what you do, you do the right thing" Zayn tells him handing him an envelope of money.   
"Where you get it?" Niall asks. "Burrowed it from Frank"   
"fuck you did."   
"Ask him" Zayn tells him . "I will ask him" Niall replies.  
He takes the envelope from Zayn putting it on his desk. He knows exactly what Zayn did.   
"Everybody is ready to bent, or straight. Personally I am ready to be straight. Get my self an avocado farm or a winery. I do what I have to do but I'm not a huge fan of low company." He walks to where Zayn is sitting and pats his shoulder. "A man can transform his shit" he says that and leaves the office. Zayn takes a deep breath and smiles. 

 

+

 

Zayn's house is empty, like really really empty, "I have never done anything like that in my life, I didn't think I'll get out of Vegas alive" Harry says a duffel bag bigger than the one he was given from Zayn. "Open it. And take out fifty grands. That's yours." Zayn tells him.  
Harry opens the duffel bag and looks back up at Zayn, and whispers "come one" he pushes the bag "I'm going to have my picture on a fucking wheaties box within fucking months, dude"   
"Well, suit yourself" Zayn says zipping the bag. "What is the point of me going to Vegas?" Harry asks. "Well, it was for the fifty grands, but.. It's time to get away from me Harry. Far, far away" he says walking out. 

Zayn calls Frank "Frank I got your money, but I'm not coming you gotta meet me. Koreatown you know the place, right?"   
"Everybody knows the place, whether I want you anywhere near that place with my money in your hands is another fucking story" Frank spits. "Well that's the only place I'll meet you" Zayn tells him.  
"You have all my money plus everything?"   
"Yeah I have all your money but I don't have everything, you gotta meet me there" Zayn says.  
"What do you do in the fuck you position?" Frank asks. "We've had that discussion, and I understand your point, but you gotta meet me there"  
"If there was a list of places where nobody gets ripped off I believe that's at the top" Frank says then hang up.

+

Zayn comes up some stairs. And heads down a corridor towards a door guarded by two Korean guys. He stops, one of them snaps his fingers. Zayn hands him some money. They open the door for him. And ere is a whole other world behind this door.  
A lot of tables around the room. Korean businessmen are drinking and being served by submissive attentive women. They refill the men's drinks and cut their food for them.. Zayn looks around at the gaming tables, BlackJack, roulette, the usual. Masses of cash. And there is not only Asian businessmen but also serious and rich professional gamblers. Zayn refocuses on the roulette wheel, obsessively. He moves forward, then stops. All or nothing: what about nothing. For the first time the tables have no allure.

Mister Lee meets him "do you have my money?"   
"Yes"   
"Then you must come outside" Mister Lee tells him. "No" Zayn refuses  
Mister Lee looks at him. Zayn nods to the room where Franks was just about to sit "I owe him too"  
"You are going to play?" Mister Lee asks disbelievingly. "It's the only way I'll pay you both, you can't take the money off me in here, neither can he. Red or black, all or nothing. All the money down, that's all I'll do" Zayn tells him. "Move" Zayn says to Mister Lee.

And heads to one of the tables. Big Tommo catches him by the arm. "What are you doing?" He says. "What the fuck are you doing?" Frank gets up alarmed. A Korean bouncer comes and deliberately removes Big Tommo's hand.  
Zayn goes to the table unzips his bag and stacks his cash on the table. He picks up all the cash discarding the bag. Everyone is watching as he heads to the roulette table.  
He puts the money on the table the money that he won betting on Lamar in Vegas all of it on the table. Zayn's eyes wanders over the table. Reds and blacks blurring.   
He is dimly aware of spectators crowding in... Frank... Mister Lee..

"All on black" Zayn says. All.  
The ball goes into the wheel.   
Zayn closes his eyes and listens to the clatter of the ball. Breathing heavily he sees images go through his mind. Of the desert sunrise. Liam in the desert. His mother. Himself leaning in a balcony doorway and looking out over a foreign city on the best morning of his life, an image of a typewriter, with a blank page..  
His face covered with sweat, when the clatter of the ball stops. There is nothing but silence from the Korean spectators.   
Zayn opens his eyes and sees..  
The ball lying in Black.   
Zayn turns immediately and begins walking out of the establishment: out of everything. Frank is staring. The owner if the establishment is standing right in front of him.Zayn walks up to him "I Was playing for Mister Lee and for that gentleman over there" he points at Frank. "I'm not actually a gambler"   
Everyone is watching as with that Zayn crosses the room, and goes to the door, and is let through by Koreans.  
He is out of the building and he breathes, he fucking breathes out. Relishing the relief. He takes off his Jacket and throws it he starts walking. Frank and Big Tommo's car is driving by him.   
"The keys in the car" Zayn says. Opening a button or two of his shirt. "Need a ride?"   
"No, I'll walk, I feel like walking" rolling up his sleeves.   
"You got anything on you?" Frank asks him.  
"Not a fucking cent" Zayn answers and he's never been happier that he is.  
"That's not a 'Fuck you' position."   
"Yes it is" Zayn smiles and looks at him "fuck you" smirk on his face.  
He starts running.   
"Good boy" Frank whispers.

+

 

He runs, and runs as fast as he can, till he stops and looks across the street head slightly cocked, looking at the building, hands on his knees taking deep breaths and walks to the building up the stairs till he's at the door. He's redeemed, it's over. He reaches and it's the greatest act of his life and presses the door bell.

The door opens after few seconds.   
And he hears a whisper of "Zayn" before Liam surges forward and Zayn picks him up. He hugs him tightly face buried in Zayn's neck as a sob escapes him. "Shhhh babe, it's over. It's really fucking over. I'm okay. I'm done with that shit" Liam pushes back looking at his eyes and croaks out "really?"   
Zayn smiles "Yeah really".  
It seems he'll get to have his real love.


End file.
